


Who Ever Said They Were Soft?

by myheartisoverseas



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Boys Kissing, Break Up, Character Development, Cheating, Crying, Denial of Feelings, Drinking, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Dry Humping, Eventual Smut, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Growing Up, M/M, Not All Porn, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sex, Sloppy Makeouts, Slow Build, Smut, Some Plot, patience is key, sprinkled in other ships, theres actually a lot of plot oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-06-22 05:59:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19661257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myheartisoverseas/pseuds/myheartisoverseas
Summary: This is purely for entertainment. Sam would never cheat on Katrina. Sam and Colby are straight. Purely entertainment. Don't get triggered and don't read if you don't want to. Thanks. <3





	1. Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter is not NSFW. This is before that.

When Sam had came home from a marketing event that night, the last thing he had expected to see was beer bottles strewn across the lawn. The Trap House was dark inside except for the florescent pink and purples lights.

The music was loud enough to deafen someone, even from outside. As soon as Sam unlocked the door and stepped in, the smell of alcohol hit him full blast. There were hundreds of people inside, everybody back to back. 

Sam didn't even recognize anybody at first glance, frowning and scanning the crowd for anybody he knew. In the living room, sitting on the couch, a shot glass in hand, was Corey. 

Sam sighed in relief, gently pushing people out of his way and whispering apologies as he moved through the loud, overbearing crowd. Sam took the empty seat beside his friend and immediately turned to him with an irritated expression. "Nobody told me we were throwing a party." Sam had to raise his voice to be heard.

Corey, grinning drunkenly, downed the shot in 2 seconds flat and didn't even wince. "No one told me either." 

Sam grumbled his response, looking around. He recognized a couple more people now. He could see Andrea talking to some girl, Elton playing beer pong, and...Katrina? Why wouldn't she text him she was coming over? He stood up and began to make his way over to her instead. She was nursing a margarita from what it appeared, standing in the corner and idly nodding her head to the beat.

When he finally reached her, her face lit up. He could see she was a bit tipsy, but nothing too serious. "Sam! I thought you'd never come home. This is so boring," She said, her eyes moving from his face to look around again. Sam sighed. "Yeah, I had no idea this was happening tonight."

She reached down and grabbed a bottle that had been sitting near her feet. "I saved this for you." Kat handed him a beer bottle and Sam hummed appreciatively. He cracked it open and took a sip, basking in the sweet malty flavors. Katrina took another sip of her margarita and then checked the clock on her phone. She rolled her eyes as she slid it back into her back pocket. "It's only 11 and they're already acting like this. I can't imagine how much worse it's going to get," She commented with an evident amount of annoyance.

Sam sighed and then turned around to look at the people that had overrode his residence one more time. As he was scanning over the drunk girls with hardly any clothing and drunk guys stumbling around, his eyes met Colby's from across the room. Colby was leaning against the wall, eyes dark and prying. Sam shifted on his feet, almost uncomfortable in the intense gaze.

That's when Katrina grabbed his arm and pointed at a couple that could be seen from around the corner. She giggled a bit, eyes narrowing. The couple was making out, two girls with one pressed against the wall. He recognized one girl as Katrina's friend, Jackie, and he didn't know the other. Jackie was pressed against the wall, with one arm wrapped around the other girl's shoulders. 

The other girl moved to Jackie's neck, and Jackie threw her head back into a moan. "Jackie told me specifically that she wouldn't make out with anybody at the party this time," Katrina laughed. "She's great, but she has way too much fun sometimes."

Sam tore his eyes away and laughed half-heartedly. He was more interested in what Colby was doing. He turned again and Colby was gone, leaving Sam confused and frowning. He tried to focus on something else, and took a long sip of beer. This was going to be a long night.

\-------------------------------

A couple hours had gone by, and Sam had drank more than a couple more beers. He could feel himself getting drunker as the night continued, the jokes getting funnier, his speech getting more slurred, heartrate getting slower. Most of his time had been spent with Katrina, but he had also mingled with Aaron, Corey, Jake, and a couple people he didn't even know. 

What concerned him was that he hadn't seen Colby again since that night. When he asked Jake, he said he hadn't even thought Colby was home. It got to the point where Sam thought he might have just imagined him. The look the boy had gave him _was_ very...not Colby-like. But he hadn't even been drunk, and being drunk doesn't make you hallucinate anyway. Colby had to be there. He just didn't know where.

He'd sent Colby three texts, and one picture of his drink. Asking his friend to talk to him, asking where he was, and asking if he was okay. Then a picture of his beer. None of them had been read. He was ready to call it a night and say Colby went to bed, when he saw his friend walk down the stairs. He'd immediately smiled, assuming Colby was finally in a partying mood like he usually was.

Until Colby's eyes turned to look at him, and he caught sight of that same intense gaze. Like Colby was trying to stare right into his thoughts. Sam cleared his throat, nodded at Katrina to excuse himself, and headed toward Colby. 

He was going to get to the bottom of this. No matter what the brunette wanted.


	2. Found Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still not to the NSFW yet. Next chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Once Sam got within speaking distance of Colby, the intense gaze faltered for a split second. Sam didn't catch the look it left behind, but it unsettled him nonetheless. "Hey, man. Where have you been tonight? The party hasn't been the same without you," Sam greeted him, a cheery, bright smile on his face. 

Colby didn't return the smile, instead choosing to grab Sam by the wrist and pull him upstairs. Colby nudged people out of his way with the hand that wasn't wrapped around Sam's wrist while Sam whispered protests. Colby pulled them into Sam's room and shut the door.

The soft click of the lock felt like the sound of a gunshot as Sam realized Colby must be serious about something. "Is everything okay?" Sam asked, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. Colby stepped closer until he was standing over Sam, casting a shadow on him. "No." 

Sam frowned, confused as to why Colby was being so cold to him. Colby then crouched in front of him, his knees sliding across the carpeted floor. The brunette grabbed his friend's hands that had been folded on Sam's lap. "I can't stand to look at you and Katrina anymore. I can't. I won't. It kills me, Sam," he choked out. The bright, happy blue eyes Sam had came to know were clouded over with tears. 

Sam's face scrunched up in confusion, and he leaned down a bit so his face was closer to Colby's. "I don't understand, I thought you liked Kat." Sam's words seemed to upset Colby further, and Sam immediately wished he could unsay them. Colby coughed out a sob, shaking his head desperately. "Bro, I just...I don't get what you're trying to say. What do you mean?" Sam asked, removing his hands from Colby's grip to press both of his palms to the sides of Colby's face. 

Colby sniffled, tears streaming from his puffy eyes. After only a moment of hesitation, Colby lunged forward to press his lips to Sam's. Sam grunted into the kiss, shocked from the sudden action, but arms circled Colby's shoulders nonetheless. Before he could register what he was doing, Sam was kissing back. He pushed back against Colby with greater fervor, hearing his friend sigh against him, as if this was the greatest relief he had ever received.

Colby managed to slide himself on top of Sam, their lips still interlocked, with Sam's arms around Colby's neck and Colby resting himself on top of Sam with his arms on either side of Sam's head. Sam's fingers started to get a grip on Colby's hair when the realization hit him. He broke the kiss with a gasp, inhaling sharply. Sam turned his head away so he didn't see Colby's expression, too afraid to see the hurt on the boy's face. "...Sam?" Colby whispered hesitantly.

Sam's thoughts were going a mile a minute. He had just cheated on Katrina, technically. He had kissed back. He had kissed _Colby_ back. He had kissed his _best friend_ back. What did this mean? Did Colby have feelings for him? Did _he_ have feelings for Colby?

Colby pulled himself off of Sam, deciding to sit on the edge of the bed and wrap his arms around his torso. Sam still couldn't see his face, but he knew Colby must be upset by the way he was curling in on himself. "Colby..." Sam began, chewing on his lip in thought. "I don't...Do you like me? Or...did you have too much to drink? Or...what is this?" 

Colby exhaled shakily, focusing on a speck of dust drifting across the floor. "I guess I have to be honest," Colby laughed, but there was no humor in his tone. "I've liked you-loved you-for a long time now. Since...before Katrina even was a part of our lives." Colby turned his head around to look at Sam. "And I know you probably don't like me back, and you probably just had too much to drink. But, I can't deal with seeing you with her anymore. Every time you make her laugh or hug her or anything...it hurts. So much."

Sam swallowed hard, his brain struggling to comprehend the knowledge it was receiving. There were...moments. Things he could remember from high school, even, where it felt a bit awkward or like just a bit more than friendship. Times their faces were just a little too close together, their bodies pressed together feeling a little more familiar than it should have. But Sam had always brushed off the feelings as just being teenage hormones or something. 

He hadn't really thought about, instead storing it in the back of his mind as insignificant moments. He wasn't gay. He'd never seen a man and felt anything more than friendly feelings for them. It was just...Colby. Something about his best friend that tread a bit too closely to the more than friendship line. Sam shuffled a little closer to his friend while Colby impatiently awaited his response.

"I don't know," Sam said before anything else, his voice choked and forced. "I don't know how I feel about you, Colby. It's hard for me to figure it out. I've never thought about it until now and." Sam cut himself off before he said anything more, frowning as he thought.

Colby cleared his throat, his eyes darting around anxiously. "And?" 

Sam played with the fabric of his sleeve a bit, running it between two fingers for a couple seconds. "I think I have...some feelings for you," Sam breathed, a weight lifting from his chest. "But I don't know what they are. I've never felt them for a guy before. It's...so, so confusing. And I know I have feelings for Katrina too. I love her, I do. It wouldn't be right." 

Colby's face was still red from exertion and tears, but his eyes were filled with a bit more hope than previously. At least Sam liked him back. At least he hadn't ruined everything. But that didn't solve his problem. "So we're not going to be doing anything?" Colby asked. "We're just. Staying the same old best friends we always were? Acting like nothing ever happened?" 

Sam sighed. He looked up and made eye contact with Colby before slowly nodding. "I think that's all that we can do. I'm with Katrina."

"Then that's not going to work for me." Colby stood up. "I really just...I can't stand seeing you guys together. It kills me, Sam. I'm really, really sorry. I'm going to need to think about what to do from here." Colby walked to the door, wrapping his hand around the doorknob. He hesitated, wondering if he should just deal with it. Just deal with the pain. He didn't want to lose Sam, he really didn't. 

Sam's eyes grew teary and he stood up as well. "Colby, wait, please don't." Sam walked closer but stopped a few steps away from Colby, instead bringing his hands up to his chest in a begging gesture. "We can still be friends, we don't have to do this. You're my best friend, please don't leave me."

Colby bit the inside of his cheek, his mind a battlefield of thoughts. But he knew he had to go. He had to leave. Things would never be the way they were anyway, Colby was smart enough to know that. "I'm sorry," Colby murmured. "I really wish I didn't have to. I'll be in my room. I'll think about where I'll moving to for now. See you tomorrow, Sam. To discuss where I'll be moving." 

Colby opened the door and shut it, ignoring the cries of "Wait!" and "Colby!" that followed. He walked into his room and locked the door behind him. Maybe he had ruined everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope is not lost yettt


	3. High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Since that night, things had been far from normal. Colby hadn't spoken a word to Sam except for "hello" and "good morning". He hadn't even discussed moving out with him yet, and it had been three days. Sam suspected he was searching for places, still.

Eventually Sam nearly gave up on trying to speak to Colby, sticking to the cold, professional conversation Colby had been trying to get. Until Corey and Aaron planned a party at the trap house. Initially, Sam had objected to the idea, but Jake and Colby had perked up at the thought of having some fun to clear the heavy atmosphere, and Sam was outnumbered.

The party was loud and far too distracting for Sam to have fun. He couldn't say he wasn't used to it, all of the blaring music and loud laughter, but that didn't mean it didn't feel suffocating. Especially when he was in this bad of a mood. Katrina was standing with him, laughing at something her friend Alex had said. "Babe, did you hear that?" Katrina choked out through her giggles, and Alex was bent over, holding her stomach from laughing too hard.

"Uh..." Sam trailed off. Truthfully, he hadn't been paying any attention. Katrina frowned, clearing her throat to cut off her laughter. "Hey, are you doing alright? You've been super quiet tonight, and I haven't seen you drink a thing. It isn't like you." She crossed her arms, leaning in a bit closer. Sam assumed she was trying to seem like she was listening intently or something, but it just came out sort of annoying.

Sam sighed, rolling his eyes and turning his head away from Katrina. "It's fine, okay? Doesn't matter, just lay off," he retorted. Katrina flinched back, hurt by his tone. "Okay, fine...I'll leave you alone. Jeez." Katrina picked up her purse from where it had been resting against the wall near her feet and walked off into the party.

Sam realized his error at once, his eyes widening. "Kat, wait-" But she had already walked too far away to hear him. He groaned, burying his face in his hands. He pulled his hands from his face and looked around for anyone else he knew. He didn't really want to be alone in all of this noise, it was too overwhelming. He'd try not to mess up this time.

While he was scanning the crowd, his eyes caught sight of none other than Colby Brock. The brunette had a half empty bottle of liquor in one hand, and the other was on Brennen's shoulder for support while Colby laughed. Brennen was grinning widely, chuckling to himself. Sam frowned, feeling jealousy bubbling in his stomach. 

He didn't know why it hurt so much to see Colby with Brennen. It had always sort of stung in the past, but he always thought it was just because he was so used to having Colby around all the time. That he was just reliant on him, and when Colby went off to hang out with Brennen, it just felt like something was missing. Nothing more than that.

But now...looking at how happy Colby looked with Brennen...the way Colby used to look with Sam. It hurt like hell. Maybe he should get that drink. Just as Sam was about to get up and grab a beer, Colby's eyes turn over to him. Sam's breath caught in his throat, and he was certain he meant to pull his eyes away, but he didn't. His eyes locked with Colby's, and he watched as Colby set down the bottle, said something quick to Brennen, and began walking toward Sam.

Sam's eyes widened a bit in shock. Colby hadn't spoken to him in days, he must be pretty drunk to come to Sam like this. Once Colby had pushed through the crowd, he folded his arms in front of the blonde. Sam swallowed nervously. "Wanna get out of here?" Colby asked apathetically. Sam's mouth opened and shut a couple times, confusion and shock rising to the surface. "Y-Yeah, sure." 

Sam stood up and followed Colby up the stairs. Colby pulled a key out of his left back pocket, then unlocked his bedroom door. "I keep it locked so no one goes through my stuff during parties," Colby explained at the sight of Sam's confused face. The two walked into the room and Colby locked the door behind him. Sam clears his throat, trying to break the horrid awkward tension in the air. He sits down at Colby's computer chair.

Colby sits on the edge of his bed, picking up his phone and scrolling through his Twitter feed. The lights were dim enough that Sam could hardly see Colby's face, but the blue light illuminating from his phone made it possible for Sam to analyze every feature of his best friend's face. Sam hoped he wasn't noticed staring, and if he was, then Colby was kind enough not to mention it. 

Sam swallowed, feeling heat rise to his face. He wasn't used to looking at Colby this way. He wasn't used to looking at _any_ guy this way. But there was something so...beautiful about the way the corners of Colby's lips just barely tilted up when he saw something funny on his phone. Something so familiar and safe about the way Colby brought his legs up to rest on the bed, curling them so he could rest his arms on them. 

And then Colby looked up. His posture didn't change, it was like he was completely frozen except for his eyes. Sam inhaled sharply at the sight of those perfect, amazing blue eyes he'd grown to know so well. Colby's eyes scanned Sam's face just as Sam's eyes had scanned his just moments before. 

Sam bit his bottom lip hard. He'd never felt this way for Colby before. He didn't understand what he was feeling, but it was so new and scary and...great. Colby slowly set his phone down, his eyes still on Sam. Sam's thoughts were racing as fast as his heart. Could he really go through with this? He had Katrina. He loved Katrina. Colby was his best friend.

But he was starting to think Colby was more than that. Maybe he'd always known that, but he'd tried to ignore it, out of fear. But when Colby nervously starting playing with his rings, Sam just cracked. He rose to his feet, walked swiftly to Colby, and kissed him. Sam's hands cupped Colby's face, and he heard Colby sigh against him.

Colby leaned back until he was laying flat on his back, bringing Sam down on top of him. Sam broke this kiss, moving himself so he was straddling Colby's hips. Colby pushed himself up so Sam was straddling him, but more his lap then his hips. He pressed his lips to Sam's again, getting a rough grip on his hair. Sam pushed back into the kiss, biting Colby's lip gently, but hard enough that Colby got the message and allowed Sam's tongue to slip into his mouth.

Sam rolled his hips experimentally, and Colby broke the kiss to let out a quiet moan. Sam felt Colby growing harder beneath him, and began pressing wet-mouthed kisses down the boy's neck. Colby's hands drifted down Sam's back, feeling his warm skin through the cloth. Colby then grabbed Sam's ass with both hands and pushed the blonde's hips against his. The two whimpered in unison.

Sam pulled at Colby's shirt, still pressing kisses along Colby's jawline. Colby got the hint and helped Sam pull the shirt over his head, Sam pulling his mouth away from Colby for a moment, only to go right back to the kisses when it was discarded. Sam sucked a light purple mark into Colby's collarbone, lightly biting down on it when he was done. Colby's breaths grew shakier as he pulled Sam's shirt off. 

Sam slowly pushed Colby down against the bed, flat. He ran his fingers slowly across Colby's abs, feeling the smooth skin and hard muscle. Sam took a moment just to process the situation. His best friend since high school was beneath him, shirtless. 

Sam had seen Colby shirtless hundreds of times, but this time felt different. More intimate, more secret, more special. He knew this was wrong. Sam had a _girlfriend_ for fuck's sake. A girlfriend that was downstairs while Sam was making out with his best friend. But it just felt so right. Like this is what Sam should have been doing for a long time now. It felt strangely familiar and new at the same time. Sam just wanted more. He wanted to be closer. 

Colby pulled Sam by the shoulders until their bodies were flat against each other, with Sam on top. "I've been wanting this for so long," Colby whispered as his hand trailed down Sam's chest and stomach. Sam responded by pressing a kiss to Colby's lips, relishing in the feeling of warmth and safety he got in Colby's arms. "No matter what," the blonde grabbed Colby's hand just before it could slip into his jeans. "You'll always be my favorite person on this planet, Colby. No matter what happens." 

Colby seemed surprised by the confession, but he smiled softly. "You're my favorite too."

Sam smiled back, and Colby's hand slipped into Sam's jeans. He palmed Sam's dick through his boxers, and the blonde whimpered, pressing into Colby's hand. Through the thin fabric, Colby pressed his thumb to the head, and trailed his fingers across the shaft. "Shit, Colby, just touch me," Sam murmured, eyes closed in pleasure.

Just as Colby was about to follow orders, a loud knock startled them both out of their focus. Sam yelped in surprise, rolling off of Colby. "Colby!" They heard Katrina call through the door. "Is Sam in there? I'm worried about him." 

Oh shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That one was longggg. Oh, and sorry, but this is slow burn. Be patientttt.


	4. Do you love me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not nsfw, plot development

Sam and Colby tore away from each other within moments, Sam immediately reaching for his shirt and searching for Colby's. They dressed quickly and Colby tried to comb his wild hair with two fingers.

Sam opened the door with an uneasy smile, feeling the guilt weighing heavy on his heart. Katrina had been worrying about him and he'd been...

Katrina grinned at the sight of her boyfriend, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Hey, babe. I was worried after we got into that little fight. I was just hoping you weren't hurt or lonely."

Sam chuckled, hoping he didn't sound as choked up as he felt. Sam felt the urge to turn his head and look at Colby but it would feel too awful. Katrina was right here, and Sam had just almost fucked his best friend minutes before. If she hadn't stopped them, he would have. And that felt...disgusting.

"I'm like, really tired," Katrina murmured, "Could we go to bed and I stay here tonight? The party is already mostly died down, people are heading home." She held a piece of the soft fabric of Sam's shirt between her fingers. 

Sam swallowed hard. He had just been in bed with Colby. How could he just lay in bed next to Katrina, feel her body next to his, hear her soft breaths, and not think of the horrible thing he had just done to her? But it was almost worse to deny her. He at least owed her some comfort.

So he nodded, muttered out a low, "Yeah, sure Kat." and followed her toward his room, not looking back. "Bye, Colby!" Katrina called after her, causing Sam's veins to freeze. Colby called back a weak, shaky "Bye, Kat." and Katrina was satisfied, dragging Sam into his room and shutting the door.

\---------------------------

Once Sam and Katrina closed Colby's door, Colby broke down into sobs. What had he done? He should have just left. He should have just moved and forgot Sam's perfect blue eyes and soft blonde hair.

Katrina deserved better than this. She was Colby's _friend_ , she trusted him. Much to Colby's utter disgust, that was not the only thing that pained him. Seeing Katrina with her arms around Sam, her body so close to his, and thinking of them in the same bed...

Colby's stomach curled and he coughed on a sob, snot and tears rolling down his face. Colby wasn't crying, wasn't even just sobbing, he was breaking down. His back was pressed against the wall as he slowly slid down, burying his face into his knees. 

What was he supposed to do now? Act like nothing ever happened and move on? He couldn't. He couldn't bear it. He _wanted_ Sam, and way more than just as a close friend or a roommate. He loved him, he knew he did. He'd loved Sam for a very, very long time. Since high school.

On the TFIL trips, Colby longed for just a bit more closeness than their shared bed; he wanted more than that. He wanted to feel Sam's lips on his, his hands touching every inch of Sam's body. Now he'd felt it. Felt Sam's bare skin, felt the heat of Sam's lips, and he wanted more. More than that. He wanted everything.

And he hated himself for it.

Sam was always so happy with Katrina. Smiling and laughing, always wanting to be hugging her or kissing her cheek. Katrina and Sam were meant to be together and Colby was meant to be...out of their way. Sam deserved better than Colby, and Katrina deserved better than Colby betraying her trust. Never in a million years would Katrina think Colby would seduce her boyfriend. She just wouldn't.

God, Colby hated himself. How could he be so selfish? 

But...Sam had kissed Colby. Sam had initiated the contact this time, wanted what Colby wanted. Colby had felt it in the heat and passion of the moment, how much Sam wanted Colby in that moment.

 _But Sam was drunk_ , Colby tried to justify, _he didn't know what he was doing_. He just wanted something. Not Colby.

Some part of Colby didn't believe that. He'd seen the lust in Sam's eyes and he'd seen the...love. Did Sam...love Colby? How could he? All Colby had ever been was his friend. Supported him through all his relationships with _girls_. Sam has always been straight and he'd never shown any signs of being anything other than that. 

So then why...why did Sam kiss him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	5. Little Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and Story development, not nsfw

Colby hadn't talked to Sam since that night, and it had been four days. Sam had avoided all of his texts and calls, no matter how many times Colby tried to reach him. Whenever Colby went looking around the _house_ for Sam, he was either gone or with Katrina. Colby could never possibly try to speak to Sam when Katrina was with him, he'd feel too sick. 

So Colby stayed away from Sam too, deciding it was probably best to give him space. He must regret it if he's acting like this... Colby never should have let Sam do what he did that night, they were both drunk, even if it was consensual. The guilt ate away at Colby's mind.

He stuck to his room, only going downstairs to get bowls of lucky charms or glasses of water. He acted like he didn't notice the way Corey would give him worried glances or the way Jake would always ask him how he was doing with just a little bit more meaning behind it. He especially pretended he didn't notice the way Sam refused to acknowledge him at all.

So they kept up this little game of hide and seek until somebody brought it up. Jake Webber, knocking on Colby's bedroom door at 2 AM. At the first knock, Colby's heart had sped up a bit, hearing any noise in his bedroom at this point reminded him of Sam. But he wasn't _too_ disappointed to see Jake standing at his door instead of Sam.

"Hey, man," Jake said, a little uncertainly, "Can I come in for a minute?" 

Colby silently nodded and moved out of the way to allow Jake to walk in. He shut the door behind him and locked it after Jake was inside. Jake sat on the edge of the bed, and Colby sat beside him cautiously. He made sure to put a good 3 feet between them.

Jake ran his thumbs absent mindedly across his forefingers before looking up at Colby and clearing his throat. "So everyone has noticed you've been a little off these past few days. You _and_ Sam. Sam isn't talking to anyone but Katrina right now, and Aaron tried to talk to him last night but Sam ignored him."

Colby sighed. So he wasn't alone in this isolation after all. Hearing Sam was having the same problem didn't put his mind at ease though, in fact it may have made things worse. Colby bit his lower lip, holding it between his teeth. Jake sighed and moved an inch closer, causing Colby's head to snap up and look Jake in the eyes.

He was frowning, his eyes scrunched up with a kind of near-motherly worry that Colby hadn't seen on any of his friends in at least a pretty long time. Seeing Jake look like that made Colby at least want to soothe him a little. So he opened his mouth, feeling like his jaws had molded shut from disuse. 

His voice came out scratchy and rough. "I'm alright, Jake. There are just...some thing I can't really tell anybody." Colby had hoped Jake would get the message and cool off, but unfortunately it only seemed to make Jake worry more. "Bro, we're all really worried about you. Please tell me what's up. I don't say shit like this often because I'm not good with emotions but...I really care about you. You can tell me anything, Colby," Jake said.

Colby felt heat raise to his cheeks at the unexpected admission. He cleared his throat and stared intensely at his pale white sheets. Could he really tell him? What if Jake got angry, decided he hated him, and told Katrina everything? That would be it for Colby. The end of him. An utter disaster. 

But seeing Jake open up like this... Jake had never done this before. Literally ever, Colby couldn't remember a time Jake had ever been anything but goofy. He was always the rock of the group in haunted videos, lightening the mood with jokes. He was never sad, angry, scared...he was always just Jake.

Colby looked up at him and knew he could trust him. "I almost had sex with Sam." 

Jake's jaw dropped and his eyes widened immediately. "Colby, you're not pranking me are you?" He asked, his eyes scanning Colby's face for any sign of a lie. "Oh my god, you're not."

Colby swallowed hard, feeling like a lump of burning hot guilt had boiled up into his throat. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything. This was a mistake. Jake was going to tell everybody-

Jake moved closer. "Does Kat know?" Jake's voice was shaky, like he was both nervous and thinking hard. Colby shook his head, an involuntary whine in the back of his throat. Jake blew out a breath, running his hands through his hair.

Suddenly Jake's face grew more serious. "How...When? Why? What happened?" 

Colby's mind traveled back to the exact feelings of that night. How it all had happened so fast. So that's exactly what he told Jake, the whole story of inviting Sam up to his bedroom to Sam kissing him to...everything after that.

By the end, Jake's face had melted into more of a sympathetic expression. Almost sad, like he felt bad for Colby. What reason would he have to feel bad? Colby had messed up Katrina and Sam's relationship, he'd way overstepped his boundaries and ruined his friendship with Sam over his stupid, stupid emotions. He was so selfish.

Jake sighed. "You know that it was both you and Sam's fault, right?" He asked. "Sam kissed you, first. He said yes to everything. It wasn't just your fault." When Jake was finished, Colby's eyes glistened with tears. It didn't really ease the feeling of guilt that still burned and bubbled in Colby's chest, but hearing someone say it felt good.

"I know you love him," Jake spoke solemnly. Colby's eyes widened significantly, and he leaned back. "W-What?" 

Jake tilted his head. "You love him. And he loves you. Maybe he loves her too, but he loves you. He has for a long time. And everyone saw it but you two. Dude, I'm pretty sure Kat sees it sometimes." 

Colby's mouth opened and closed a few time like a fish out of water. What was he supposed to say to that? Sam couldn't be in love with him. He looked at Katrina like she was the best thing he'd ever seen, like a perfect angel that could do no wrong. But if Colby recalled...Sam had looked at him that way. That night, looking at Colby from across the room. 

Oh shit.

They had a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big things next chapter!


	6. Secrets (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW (and dont worry, the next part of this will be up tomorrow)

Colby had no idea what led them to this point. It had been a day since his conversation with Jake, and nothing had gotten better. Colby's time had still been spent in his room alone, and Sam had still been ignoring him.

So that's why it was so incredibly confusing when Colby got a knock on his bedroom door at 4 AM. He'd just been scrolling through Twitter, accepting another sleepless night, when he'd heard it. He frowned and set his phone down, confused.

He got up, pulling the blankets off his tingling legs. When he opened the door, he expected to see Jake or Corey, maybe Aaron. What he did not expect at all was to see Sam, eyes puffy and red from either lack of sleep or crying, standing before him. Colby sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Sam?"

Sam walked inside and Colby instinctively moved out of his way, keeping his eyes locked on Sam the whole time. Sam shut the door and turned the lock behind them, and the two met eyes. Sam slowly moved forward, placing his hands nervously on Colby's waist. Colby's eyes drifted up and down Sam's body like he was studying every inch of him.

Colby's mind raced with explanations. Maybe Sam was just being overly-friendly. A sympathetic gesture of apology for ignoring him, maybe? But there was nothing friendly about the way Sam leaned forward and pressed his lips against Colby's. Colby melted into Sam's hold, tangling his fingers in Sam's soft blonde hair. 

_Wrong, this is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong_

The word echoed in Colby's mind, bouncing off of his skull so he never forgot it. But Sam felt so nice. So right, so perfect, so...safe. Could it really be that wrong?

Sam broke the kiss, backing them up toward Colby's bed and lightly shoving Colby so he fell onto it. Sam pulled the shirt he was wearing over his shoulders and dropped it onto Colby's floor, reaching down to pull Colby's off as well. "I couldn't stop thinking about you," Sam said breathily, "Since that night you haven't left my mind even for a second."

Not waiting for a response, Sam laid Colby down so he was flat on his back before straddling his hips. "I want you, Colby." Sam rolled his hips as he said it, but Colby was too focused on the words to fully notice the feeling. Sam...wanted him. Had just said and confirmed that he wanted him. This wasn't Sam being drunk, Sam _wanted_ him.

That was enough for Colby to pull Sam down onto the bed and start unbuckling his jeans. Sam's face was red, shocked from the sudden action. While Colby slowly slid the clothing down Sam's legs, he pressed kisses from Sam's collarbone down to his hips, biting softly every one and a while. By the time Sam's pants were off, he was already hard.

Colby palmed Sam's bulge through his boxers, listening to the soft whimper it got in return with a cocky smile on his face. "You liked it that much, huh?" Colby leaned in to press a quick kiss to Sam's lips. "Is there something you want?"

Sam whined, leaning into to Colby's touch. He didn't say what it was that he wanted though, so Colby stroked Sam's dick through the cloth with his thumb. "Well?" Colby drawled. Sam whimpered. "You. Shit, Colby, I want you!" 

Before going for it, Colby slid his jeans off as well, freeing his erection from the tight space. He pulled Sam's boxers down around his ankles, and exhaled deeply. This was definitely something new to him. It wasn't that he hadn't thought about it before...dreamed about it before, even...but doing it for real was scary.

It was having a first time all over again. He didn't know how to do it with a guy, he'd only seen it in porn videos and in his imagination. He'd hoped having experience giving pleasure to himself to know how to with Sam as well. Colby spit on his hand since he didn't have any lube, and then gripped Sam's dick. Sam's head fell back against the pillow, a low whine drawing out of his throat as he shut his eyes tightly.

Colby gave it an experimental stroke, allowing Sam to get used to the sensation before picking up his pace. He traced his thumb over the slit in the head of Sam's dick, listening to the small whimpers and groans he elicited with each movement. 

*To be continued meme music plays*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What you were all waiting for has arrived.


	7. Secrets (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Before long, Sam was a flushed mess of moans. "Colby, Colby, stop, I'm gonna cum already." 

Colby paused his movements and allowed Sam to catch his breath. "Bro...H-How far do you want to take this?" Colby hesitantly asked the question that had been on his mind the whole time. Sam's eyes dragged over Colby's entire body. His chest, covered with a thin line of sweat, down to the apparent bulge in his boxers. 

Sam chewed on his bottom lip, and decided to be blunt. He knew this was a horrible thing to do. Katrina had just left the house 5 hours ago. But he couldn't deny himself again, he wanted Colby too much. "Fuck, Colby. Just fuck me. I need you," Sam begged, the words spilling from his lips before he could think too much further about it.

Colby's mind stalled, the lust clouding his thoughts. He swept down, his chest pressed against Sam's, and captured the boy's lips in his sweetly once more. He could feel Sam's wet dick pressing against his thigh, but he tried to focus on just the feeling of Sam's lips for a moment. This was what he'd wanted for _so, so_ long. Now that he finally had it, he wanted to appreciate it.

Once Colby pulled away, he pulled his own boxers down, allowing Sam to stare for a moment. He gave himself a couple quick strokes before taking a deep breath and holding his fingers up to Sam for him to suck. He was really doing this. He was going to fuck his best friend since high school. And god had he wanted to. 

Sam took Colby's fingers in his mouth, sucking and allowing them to get wet, circling his tongue around the two digits offered to him. When Colby pulled his fingers out, he lightly tapped Sam's legs. The boy got the message, spreading his legs so Colby had clear access to his ass. Colby held his breath, using two fingers to massage the area around Sam's hole gently to loosen the muscles. He wouldn't want to _hurt_ him or anything.

Sam was breathing heavily in anticipation, his eyes locked on the ceiling. This whole exchange felt incredibly intimate, and after all, it was. It wasn't like you just had sex with your best friend on any old day.

This was Colby. This was Colby who had been touching his dick, and now his ass, and was naked in front of him. He'd always known he loved Colby but never like this until recently. It was all so new and perfect and he wanted more. No matter how fucked up it was to want it.

Colby slid one finger in up to the knuckle, letting Sam's body adjust to the intrusion. Sam's breaths were heavy but not upset, so Colby began sliding his finger in and out, watching as it happened, completely mesmerized. Sam's breaths soon turned to whimpers, and his fists balled up at his sides.

Colby pushed in a second finger after a couple minutes. Sam sucked the air in through his teeth, feeling a low sting, but it soon faded away. Within minutes, Sam was moaning, sweat dripping down the sides of his face. "Colby, shit, that feels so fucking-" He cut himself off with a loud moan when Colby twisted his fingers.

"You think you're ready?" Colby asked, hoping he didn't sound as impatient as he felt. He was really hard, so hard it _hurt_. But he didn't want to rush Sam, it was going to be harder for him than it would be for Colby by far. He had to make sure he was actually ready.

Sam hesitated, but nodded. "Yeah, yeah I think so," Sam whispered, his face bright red. "I'm ready. Just...thank you, Colby. For everything." 

Colby blinked in surprise. Why was Sam thanking him? For messing up everything in a span of days? But he smiled, accepting the message even if he didn't know what it was for. Colby pulled his fingers out slowly, and Sam whined at the absence, his hips lifting slightly. Colby spat in one hand, rubbing it onto his dick and inhaling deeply.

He was really going to do this. This was going to change everything beyond fixability and they both knew that. But he was going to do it anyway. Colby began slowly pushing the head of his dick into Sam, and Sam bit down on his bottom lip, his eyes watering. Maybe he wasn't...totally...ready yet. Colby slowed down but kept going since Sam didn't say not to.

Once Colby was fully in, the two stopped to breathe. All Colby's mind was on was how tight and warm Sam's ass felt, and it took every ounce of strength in him not to thrust up into that tight warmth. Sam wasn't ready yet. He had to focus on Sam. Once Sam had taken a couple deep breaths and the burning sensation had stopped, Sam nodded. "Okay...go ahead."

Colby gave one slow thrust, and Sam angled his hips to meet the thrust. Colby groaned in response, finally getting the relief he'd been wanting. Sam whimpered, the pain giving way into pleasure as Colby continued thrusting, starting slow and gentle and gradually getting a bit faster and rougher. 

The two moaned in unison, sweat sticking to their skin. "Colby, Colby, I'm gonna cum," Sam moaned out, his eyes rolling back into his head. Colby angled his hips and held one of Sam's legs up to get in further. "Me too."

Colby grasped Sam's dick with one hand and gave him only two strokes, and that was enough for Sam to go over the edge. He moaned, his body tensing as he came. Colby came with him, the tightening of Sam's body feeling far too good. After their post-orgasm bliss was over, their eyes simultaneously widened. What had they done?


	8. Amber Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> <3

It was the next day. Sam and Colby wandered down the stairs at the same time, drawn to the sound of crackling bacon grease and the smell of pancakes. Corey smiled brightly at the sight of the two interacting again, seeming very glad to be free of the silence. 

However, the awkwardness stayed. Colby sat at one side of the table, crossing his arms protectively over his body. Sam took a seat at the other end, next to Aaron. He winced as he sat down, shifting his position to ease the pain. Colby glanced over at him worriedly, and Jake's eyes widened significantly, glancing from Sam to Colby and then back again.

Nobody else seemed to notice and Devyn set plates down in front of everyone, also seeming very happy that they weren't overly avoiding each other anymore. "Hey, you two. We were wondering where you were. Bacon?" She asked, holding up a tray of crisped bacon. Colby nodded, feeling his stomach growl at the scent. 

Devyn slid bacon onto everyone's plates, then the pancakes, and then poured some orange juice. Corey stood up and grabbed utensils. "I got this, babe. Go eat." Corey pressed a soft kiss to Devyn's nose and passed out the silverware. Devyn, smiling, sat down at the table and dug into her food. Colby ate slowly, taking small bites and chewing far too long.

Sam seemed to be doing the opposite, eating as fast as possible. He was practically inhaling his food, getting strange glances from Aaron every few minutes. "What's the rush, Sam?" Corey asked eventually, trying to seem nonchalant. Sam, swallowing a rather large bite of bacon, replied, "Kat is coming over in half an hour and I need to get ready."

Colby physically felt his stomach drop, swallowing roughly. Kat. Katrina was coming over. Colby cleared his throat, taking a long sip of his juice. He avoided the sorrowful stare of Jake as he got up and swiped the last few pieces of food into the trash and dumped his juice into the sink. "I'll be upstairs." 

He heard Sam get up and mutter something about taking a quick shower as Colby walked upstairs, but he was too busy blinking tears out of his eyes to really comprehend it.

\----------------------------------------

Colby was sitting on the roof of his red Toyota Corolla, staring out at the night sky. It was around 3 or 4 am, he didn't remember. He left his phone on the kitchen counter. He squinted against the glare of the street lamp, the amber glow blocking out the dull white light of stars. A soft breeze blew by, rustling the leaves of nearby trees. 

Colby could faintly see the blue glow of someone's TV through an open window a few houses down. Somehow it was comforting to know he wasn't the only one on this street. It felt like it sometimes, even in a house full of people. He twisted the ring on his index finger gingerly, inhaling the sweet scent of night air. 

So much had happened in the past week that it was almost too much to comprehend. The swirl of emotions in his gut every time he thought about it was probably more than he'd ever felt in his life. He used to think his emotions were complicated when he was in high school. He was going through a tough time with anxiety around then, but even then...

He'd still had some comfort of childhood innocence. He always had his family, and then...Sam. It was hard, but looking back it was so much easier than this. He was never alone. Until now. He had no idea where he stood with Sam. With the way Sam had looked at him last night...all the love and affection and passion in his eyes. Colby knew they were more than friends, and not only in his heart this time. 

But then there was...Katrina. Katrina who had been the wonderful, infamous girlfriend for years now. Colby's head pounded painfully and he wasn't sure if it was the stress or the three cups of coffee he'd drank earlier. He was supposed to be a _good person_. He had millions of fans who looked up to him like he was the most important person in their lives. They wanted to follow in his footsteps and be better. That's what he had always pushed, wasn't it? Onward and upward?

How _dare_ he act like such a hero when he was this _awful_?

Guilt swirled in his chest, curling around his throat and squeezing. Colby choked on a sob, pushing his knuckles into his forehead to try and stop both the painful pounding in his skull and the tears burning in his eyes. Before Colby could get another further into the clutches of his guilty conscience, the door of the trap house creaked open. 

Colby's eyes snapped open but he didn't bother to look back. He assumed it was Jake, up late as usual. Or maybe Corey? Devyn letting Navi out? What he didn't expect was none other than Samuel Golbach climbing onto the car to sit beside him. Colby, mouth open in shock, slid over a bit to make more room for him.

Sam didn't look at him, staring up at the sky instead. Colby swallowed hard, blinking away the tears, and looked up at the sky as well. His breathing had picked up a bit when Sam sat down, but as he stared up at the sky...

The sky was cloudless. The stars were a bright white, shining down on him and reflecting in his pale blue eyes. A plane flew by far overhead, the faint red light flickering and drifting across the deep black skies. He could hear cars driving down nearby roads every few minutes, and the chatter of some tv show from inside the house. But most of all, he could hear the soft inhales and exhales of Sam beside him. 

Sam's position was tense but not very stiff, Colby noticed from his peripheral vision. Just like Sam was waiting to say something. Or for Colby to say something. Colby inhaled a deep breath through his nose. "Hi."

Sam's head turned to look him in the eyes as soon as the words had tumbled from his mouth. His gaze was soft as his eyes scanned Colby's face. Colby's eyes stayed lock on Sam's, watching as they flicked over every part of his face. Normally in a situation like this, Colby would feel nervous or judged. But there was something so calming about Sam. So familiar.

And then Sam leaned forward, and Colby's calm breaths stuck in his chest. Sam's eyes were half closed, like he was really thinking about what he was doing. In Sam's moment of hesitation, Colby closed the distance between them and kissed him. Their lips locked in a quick gentle kiss. Then Colby pulled back to analyze Sam's reaction carefully.

Sam was staring down at his hands, pressed to the cool metal of the car. He blinked, his breaths shaky. But he didn't look like he didn't like it. He had kissed back, after all. "I feel so awful," Sam whispered, finally. "I was with Katrina all day and she was so...so _happy_ , Colbs." 

Colby froze in his place, his heart stinging at the mention of Katrina and his arms aching to hold Sam in his moment of vulnerability. Sam squeezed his eyes shut. "She loves me. And I do love her! I do!" Sam rushed to confirm. "But..." He trailed off, his chest heaving in a deep breath. He chewed on his bottom lip. Colby didn't dare interrupt him.

"But she can't make me happy like you do." Sam tilted his head up to stare at Colby through his eyelashes, and Colby could see a single tear drop down the blonde's flushed cheeks. Colby pulled Sam against him, letting Sam sob against his shoulder while he rubbed his back comfortingly. Colby had been so selfish...only thinking about his own guilt when Sam must be going through so much more.

 _For good reason_ , part of Colby thought, _You're at fault too but Sam is the cheater here._

For some reason, the thought didn't comfort Colby at all. It only made him feel worse, and he held Sam tighter. The strangest thing about all of this...Was that although so much guilt and pain surrounded Sam. Colby still only felt safe with him. He just wanted to be able to hold him, kiss his perfect lips...and not have to feel bad about it. That was all he had wanted for a long time. 

After a few minutes, Sam's sobs quieted down to sniffles. The two boys didn't change position though, and Colby ran his fingers in a circle on Sam's back. "We don't deserve this," Sam said out of the blue. Colby frowned, moving his chin to rest on Sam's head. "Don't deserve what?"

Sam nuzzled closer into Colby. "We don't deserve to have each other," He explained, a haunted tone to his voice. "We don't deserve to be comforted or to have somebody make us happy right now." Sam finished off with another sniffle, but his voice was strong. Not shaky or sad. Very bold. Colby's heart ached. He knew he was right. He was always right.

"God, I'm so sorry, Kat," Sam's voice broke and he punctuated the sentence with another sob. Colby winced. He knew that message wasn't truly meant for his ears, but he had heard it nonetheless. "Don't think about her right now..." Colby whispered soothingly, continuing to comfort the boy in his arms.

But deep down. That was all he could think about too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting! I took a little break because I was unmotivated but this one is longer than usual to make up for it! Big things next chapter...


	9. Not Me

Since last night, Colby had been arguing with himself in his head. He knew what he and Sam were doing was so...so wrong. Katrina was his friend. They'd spent a lot of good times together, laughing and having fun. She deserved so much better than this. Than all these lies.

 _Sam should be the one to tell her_ , Colby thought, _it isn't my place_. But his heart disagreed. He knew Sam wasn't going to tell Kat. Sam must be going through a shit ton of guilt too, but he wasn't usually this...cowardly...? No. That wasn't the right word. Colby scolded himself mentally. Sam usually faced his problems head on, and inspired Colby to do the same. To push the limits and break down his fears. But not this time.

Sam had always been sort of a rock in Colby's life, somebody he could always count on for advice or to ground him in reality. But Colby felt that for once...he had to face something by himself. And that's how Colby ended up knocking on Katrina's apartment door at 11 AM in the morning, shaky and nervous.

She had opened the door with a confused half-smile. "Colby? What are you doing here?" She pushed her head out into the hallway to see if somebody had accompanied him and frowned when she saw nobody. Colby took a deep breath through his nose, shoving his hands into his pockets and mentally preparing himself for this conversation. "Can I come in? Just...for a minute?"

Katrina's frown deepened, but she nodded and moved out of the way to let him walk inside. She shut the door behind him and led the two of them to the couch. She sat down, putting some distance between herself and Colby, and folded her hands on her lap. "Is everything alright?" She seemed cautious, and rightfully so. 

Colby couldn't look her in the eyes. His breathing picked up quickly, his breathing getting faster until he was nearly wheezing. The weight of the situation felt like it was trying to pull his heart down into his stomach. He buried his face in his hands. He felt Katrina put her hand on his shoulder, and it only made him feel worse. "Colby? What's the matter?" She asked urgently, "Are you okay?"

 _Yell at me,_ Colby thought, _Make me feel better about what I did to you._

She remained worried for him, kind-hearted and sweet as usual. Colby's heart thudded painfully, he understood what he had to do. It wasn't fair...for him and Sam to keep lying and hiding this from her. If Sam wouldn't do it, then Colby would have to.

"Sam cheated on you."

Katrina pulled her hand away like Colby's skin had suddenly become a thousand degrees hotter. Colby didn't dare pull his head up from his hands to look at her expression. He could hear her inhale shakily. "...What?" There was a small undertone of terror in her voice like this was some horrible nightmare for her. Colby guessed it probably was.

"He cheated on you," Colby whispered again, lifting his head up slowly to meet her tearful eyes with his own. Looking at her was the least he could do. She wrapped her arms around her middle like she was protecting herself. "Thank you for telling me." 

"No." The words shot out of Colby like a bullet. "Don't thank me. Jesus...do not." He shut his eyes and inhaled deeply. Katrina, now with a single tear rolling down her tanned cheeks, sniffled and frowned. "Why not?" She asked. Colby hesitated.

_This is going to ruin everything._

_Katrina will hate you. And Sam._

_You're awful._

_Sam will never forgive you._

"Sam cheated on you with..." Colby murmured, his eyes surprisingly tearless as he stared at a speck of dust floating through the air. Katrina's jaw hardened. "With who?" 

Colby doubted she knew what he was going to say. She probably assumed it was one of her friends like Devyn or Xepher. Oh how wrong she was. "With me." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, a spike of fear and regret and so so much guilt rose painfully in his ribcage. Katrina's face flooded with...relief? "Oh. You scared me. Where's the camera? I know this is a prank."

And suddenly, Colby regretted every prank he'd ever made. "It isn't a prank, Kat. You have to believe me. I'm serious," Colby shuffled forward so there was less than a foot of space between them. Katrina stared into his eyes, and Colby saw the tears gather back into them and knew...she knew he was telling the truth.

She pulled away from him, moving to the complete other side of the couch and wrapping her arms around herself, pulling her legs to her chest in a self hug. "How long?" She whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks. Colby's lip trembled as he watched her break down slowly. _This is all my fault._ The words echoed painfully through his head. 

"Um...since the first kiss...maybe two weeks at most?" Colby admitted, rubbing up and down his upper arm. Katrina's upper lip twitched in well hidden anger. Colby couldn't blame her. He'd be angry too.

"What did you two do?" Katrina asked, her voice remaining calm and unchanged despite the tears on her face. "How far did it go?"

"We kissed...a few times. And we...we..." Colby couldn't force the words out, but by the way Katrina turned away from him, she knew what he was saying. "I'm so sorry, Katrina," Colby whispered. "Please...I'm so so so fucking sorry." But Katrina didn't look at him. Colby resisted the urge to push her to talk to him. 

"I'll...I'll let myself out." Colby pushed himself to his feet slowly and walked to the door. He opened it, but hesitated. "I'm really sorry," He said quietly, glancing at Katrina's sobbing form one more time before walking away.

\---------------------

Sam walked into Katrina's apartment at the same time he usually does, a smile on his face. Tonight was expected to be great. They were going to have a Disney movie marathon and order some pizza hut. But the energy of the apartment as soon as he stepped inside was...different. Like something bad was going to happen.

That suspenseful feeling you get when you watch a horror movie and they walk into a dark room. Katrina was nowhere in sight, and Sam had let himself in. He set his phone and the spare key to Kat's apartment on her kitchen counter and looked around. The lights were dimmed more than usual, a pale orange glow in the room instead of a bright white. "Kat?" Sam called up the stairs.

There was no response but he heard a soft creaking from her bedroom. He walked upstairs slowly, trying to listen for any other noise. He pushed open her bedroom door at the end of the hall, and saw...

A blanket pile, clearly with Katrina inside of it, shaking with silent sobs. Sam's heart immediately stung with a protective urge to fix whatever was wrong, and he speed walked to her side. Sam knelt beside the bed, pulling the blanket carefully off of Katrina's head, narrowly missing pulling a frizzy lock of blue hair. "Baby, you okay?"

He moved to cup her face, but she pulled away, turning her head away from him with a pained expression. Sam's heart stopped. Something was very very wrong. He had done something wrong. And only one thing was possible in his mind. "Kat? Will you please tell me what's up?" 

"You cheated on me," Her melodic voice was muffled by the pillows she had buried her face into. Sam's heart pounded painfully. _How did she find out?_

Sam puffed out a deep breath, rubbing at his eyes. "How.." He trailed off with a sigh. "How did you find out?" His mind ran over the possibilities. That she had seen them, she'd heard some rumor from fans, or someone from the trap house had found out, probably Devyn, and told her. But what she said was the last thing he expected. 

"Colby told me," She whimpered, another sob shaking her shoulders. "He came this morning and told me. How could you do this to me? Sam, you told me he was just your friend. How could you lie to me like that?" 

Sam's heart stalled. Colby? Why in the world would he do that? Anger bubbled up in his stomach. Colby had no goddamn right to tell _Sam's_ girlfriend that he had cheated on her. But with Katrina sobbing in front of him, he didn't have much time to feel mad.

"Is it over?" Sam's words were shaky. He prayed to every God out there that she would forgive him but...could he really stop loving Colby just because he told her that he would? There was something so enticing and wonderful about Colby that he just couldn't feel with Katrina. No matter how much he loved her. 

Katrina lifted her head up to look at him with her dark chocolate eyes. And for just a moment, Sam imagined they were Colby's pale, ocean blue ones. "Do you want it to be?" She asked, that same angelic voice Sam had fallen in love with years ago. So different from Colby's deep, rough one. But he wasn't sure which one he wanted to hear more.

"No."

"Me either."

Sam wasn't sure what he wanted just yet. But he had all night to talk about it with her. With the girl he had fallen in love with. 

But he couldn't pretend he wasn't missing the boy he had fallen in love with, too.

\-----------

Colby stared at the dark, midnight sky from his window this time. The reflection of a phone screen in the window, casting a pale blue light against the black sky. The contrast made Colby shiver.

The screen read a message from Sam Golbach.

_That wasn't your place._


	10. Can You Just Shut Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a lot of different songs ;)

Colby had been a mess since he'd told Katrina the truth. He'd bought out a hotel room for the past 3 nights, it was too sickening to be in the room where...

The thought made him shiver. Sam hadn't been at the trap house for the past 3 days either, but for a completely different reason. Because he was at Katrina's apartment. Colby had to admit, he was pretty surprised when Katrina hadn't broken up with Sam and they were just figuring out their issues. Deep down...maybe he'd hoped she would. But that was a horrible way to think, Colby scolded himself, he wasn't like that. Colby clicked the TV off with his remote, feeling boredom like a heavy blanket around his mind. He'd just been eating and drinking and watching TV for days now.

It wasn't like him to fall into habits so easily, usually going out of his way to _not_ do that. It had always been his main goal to live life to the fullest and do new exciting things almost everyday. He wanted to make the most of his small amount of time on this Earth. But, without Sam by his side, that felt so meaningless. Now that they were truly apart, and not just separated by a few walls, Colby had realized how much Sam was...a piece of him. They'd grown up side by side. Without him, Colby never would have gotten half as far as he did, or learned who he truly wanted to be.

With him gone for the first time in nearly 8 years, Colby couldn't bear to think about it. Colby had been ignoring basically everybody since the only person he could think of right now was Sam. He had at least 70 missed messages and 10 calls from Jake. A lot of others scattered from Corey, Aaron, Brennen, and even a couple from Devyn. The message he really wanted to see was from Sam. Colby had sent a lengthy apology after Sam's last message, but it was left on seen. He guessed he deserved that. He ruined Sam's life all because he couldn't control his emotions.

Colby paced the room, trying to stretch his legs a bit. He'd drank his sorrow away the first two nights, but the hangover had been so bad that he didn't even see a point anymore if it just made him feel worse afterwards. He reached one hand out gingerly to push the blinds away. It was night, around 10 or 11 he guessed, and the sky was much like it had been 3 days ago. The night after he told Kat the truth. He regretted it with every ounce of himself. If he hadn't done that, he could still have Sam right now. He could still feel Sam's warm skin against his, seeing those thin pink lips smile at him.

Now Sam was with Katrina. Probably holding her in his arms just the way Colby had held him. Colby's lip twitched in somewhat of an upward snarl. Perhaps it was anger that had been portrayed on his face, but inside all he felt was longing. Longing that he could have what Katrina did. Maybe if he was more like her, Sam would have chose him. At the thought, guilt rose again.

 _How can I think like that,_ Colby thought, _He should choose her. She doesn't deserve to be dumped for somebody like me._

The thoughts didn't dull the pain in his heart. In fact, they only sharpened it.

\---------------------------------

The past 3 days with Katrina had been alright, but Sam couldn't deny that he felt like something was seriously missing. Like one last piece in a giant puzzle. Katrina had been kind, and thoughtful, and understanding. She was so, so much better than Sam could have ever expected. He would have expected screaming, or silent treatment, or getting broken up with. But she was being nice to him, like he had made such a small mistake. Sure, she seemed a bit distant, but no more than she would be if it was any other fight.

Sam didn't know if that was because it was truly okay now, or because she was trying to pretend it was. It bothered him though. Obviously he didn't _want_ her to be upset. But for her to be so...not...upset, was a bit weird considering the circumstance. If it was any normal thing, he would go to Colby and look for advice but of course that was off limits on so many levels right now. For one, he was still angry that Colby had told Katrina and totally crossed the line. Sam was planning on telling her someday, but it wasn't Colby's right to tell her before he could.

Katrina wasn't Colby's girlfriend. She was Sam's. It was his job and his job only to tell her the truth.

And also, Katrina had made it very clear that he was not to talk to Colby unless it was for professional reasons. It was perfectly understandable for her to be paranoid...he had cheated on her after all. Ignoring Colby was the least he could do. But...still. He couldn't help but wonder sometimes how Colby was handling all this. It must be hard for the guy...and with nobody by his side Colby must really be struggling. Sam had always been with him through everything. Sam just hoped Colby had Brennen or Jake right now.

The thing he felt most guilty about was how he wondered if Colby had turned to any girls or other guys for comfort. He shouldn't be feeling _anything_ about what Colby decided to do sexually. He felt awful about it. He had Katrina with him. In the same house as him. Yet he was wondering if anybody was touching Colby like he had, running their hands down his toned chest or pressing kisses to his neck. It made him angry to his very core. Thinking of somebody touching Colby shouldn't make him so indescribably jealous, but it did.

He could cover it up and deny it and hide from it. But Sam loved Colby. He wanted to hold him in his arms, comfort him when he cried, press soft kisses to his lips, hold his hand on long car drives. He wanted everything he had with Katrina...with Colby. He loved Kat, he really did. But Colby was...Colby. His best friend. His partner in crime. His everything. His world. Katrina was just there. He didn't yearn for her touch like he did for Colby's. He knew he cared for her, wanted the best for her, and felt so bad for what he did to her.

The truth is he shouldn't be in this house. With her. He should be with Colby. But he had this tie to her, like he had to make her happy now to make up for the terrible things he'd done to her. It wasn't fair. Not to her, not to him, not to Colby. God, how he wished he had just broken up with her from the beginning and saved them all so much guilt and pain. He could be happy, with Colby, right now in this very moment if he had just ended it from the start.

He just...he couldn't look her in the eyes right now and tell her that he was head over heels, unimaginably, totally in love with Colby Brock right now after he had lied to her, lead her on, and broken her heart like that. He made a mistake and he had to pay the price for it. But maybe he wasn't...entirely selfless.

So that's how he ended up pulling his phone from his back pocket with Katrina asleep in bed beside him. And making the exact same mistake again.

\-----------------------

(Italics is Sam, bold is Colby)

_Hey_

**Sam??**

_Hi Colby._

**I'm so sorry. I know I should have let you tell her. Is there anything I can do to make this up to you? If we can be just friends, please let me know. I just need you in my life, bro.**

_We're not really supposed to talk._

**Oh. Okay. I understand.**

Colby stared down at his phone screen, lip trembling. He had felt such a spike of hope and it was blown to bits right in front of him. He'd really lost his best friend forever.

_typing..._

Colby held his breath as he waited for Sam's reply. Maybe it wasn't all over yet. Maybe Sam would say they could still be friends. Maybe-

_But that doesn't mean we can't do it anyway._


	11. Another Disappointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a long boi

Katrina woke up to see Sam packing a backpack full of clothes and immediately felt her heart lurch. "Sam? What are you doing?" She asked sleepily, sitting up as quick as her drowsy body could handle. Sam turned, eyes widened a bit. She assumed she'd startled him. "I'm packing some stuff. Later today I'm going on a car ride for a couple of days to film a video with Corey and Jake."

Katrina watched as he turned away as soon as the words were out of his mouth, her heart beat louder than ever in her ears. She knew by the way he avoided looking her in the eyes that he was lying. But she so, so badly wanted to believe it was true. So she inhaled slowly, and exhaled the pain away.

_I just hope he's better than he seems._

\-----------------------------

Sam tossed his bag into the backseat of Colby's corolla and slid into the drivers' seat. Colby assumed position in the passenger seat. It was getting dark outside, nearing 9 pm. "How long will we be gone, you think?" Colby asked, shutting off his phone. Sam pulled out of the driveway, humming under his breath, and glanced at the time on the car. "Couple days. Not too long." His eyes moved back to the road immediately, completely focused. 

While that was a good thing, the way he looked seemed abnormal. Colby guessed he felt guilty about lying to Kat again. It wasn't like Colby didn't feel guilty too, but he was more focused on the relief that he hadn't lost Sam to worry right now. Still, he felt bad for Sam...there must be something he could do. He took a deep breath and looked out the window. "Something about the stars just makes me want to talk about deep shit," Colby said, choosing to try and make conversation.

Sam sighed deeply, turning to smile at Colby for a moment. Colby was relieved to see that Sam seemed glad for the distraction. "Oh yeah?" Sam asked with a grin, "Then let's get deep."

Colby laughed, shifting positions so that he was turned toward Sam and leaning his elbow against the middle compartment. "Challenge accepted. Hm..." Colby hummed to himself as he thought of something to say. "You ever think about who you really consider family? Yeah, there's your parents and siblings and stuff. But what about incredibly close friends? Some families disown their children and shit like that, so at that point the line between family and stranger is real thin."

Sam nodded along. "Yeah, I totally agree. Friends can be way closer than blood relatives to some people." Sam looked at Colby for a split second. "Who do you consider family?" He asked casually. Colby tilted his head in thought. "Well of course my parents and siblings. But then of course there's you." Colby smiled at the bashful look at Sam's face, laughing breathily and glancing down at his hands. "Jake, Corey, Aaron, Devyn...All you guys are my roommates but we're all so close. I'd say you're all my family. But you, for sure."

Sam looked content, his posture far more relaxed and his cheeks tinted pinks, with a soft smile on his face as he watched cars fly past. Colby inched closer and opened his mouth, preparing to say something but hesitating. "Um...what about you?"

Sam was startled, turning to frown at Colby. "Huh?" Sam asked. Colby shrugged. "Who do you consider family?"

The blonde blinked a few times, probably thinking, before replying. "I guess I'd be a bit more selective than you," Sam huffed out a laugh. "Like you said, definitely my parents and siblings. They were never anything but good to me, despite my childhood sibling rivalry. Then of course above all else there's you."

Colby looked up at him in surprise. Sure, he knew Sam would consider him family, but above all else? That was a little surprising. Sam continued despite Colby's expression. "Other than that not much...Maybe our old friends from Kansas? We just went through a lot of stuff together and most of my favorite memories are with you and them." 

Colby glanced out the window beside Sam, staring up at the quickly darkening sky. White stars were shining down, reminding him of the night with Sam on the car. "Can I ask you something?" Colby asked, deciding to push the conversation further. Sam hummed his yes. "Why am I family above all else to you?" Colby leaned forward to look into Sam's eyes. "Even above your own real family?" 

Sam inhaled deeply and then exhaled shakily, tapping his fingers on the wheel. He took a minute to think before answering. "You've been there since day one. Not since the day I was born. But the day I realized who I was, or at least who I wanted to be. You were everything I needed right then. Meeting you is the best thing that ever happened to me, Colby." Sam turned to him for a moment. "You helped me become who I am now. My parents may have taken care of me and that means the world to me, it does. But you made me grow up more than I thought I was capable of."

Colby's eyes were watering by the time Sam was done talking, and a half smile pulled at his lips. "You're the best, Sam..." Colby sighed. He ran a hand through his hair. "God, what are we doing?" He gestured around the car. "This is never how I expected us to go. I guess I always dreamed of some perfect happy ending with you where you realized I was the one and we moved into some country together and started a new life together and everything was right in the world."

Sam's dreamy expression faded as Colby continued, turning more solemn and sad. 

"But here we are. You have a girlfriend and then there's me. Homewrecker Colby Brock. I just wish...I just wish it was easier." Colby buried his face in his hands and groaned. "Sometimes everything just feels like too much, you know?"

Sam nodded along but seemed a bit downtrodden at the mention of Katrina. "Yeah, I know. But Colby...there's something you need to know," Sam began, waiting for Colby to permit him to continue. Colby nodded, lifting his head back up. Sam continued, "You didn't do anything wrong. I mean, I guess a little. But I could have pushed you away, or broken up with Katrina as soon as I realized how I felt for you. It's my fault we're in this mess."

Hearing Sam talk so darkly about himself made Colby a bit uneasy. Sam had always been so positive. "It's not fair to any of us. Not fair to Katrina to be stuck in a relationship where I'm cheating on her. Not fair for me to be in a relationship I'm unhappy in. Not fair to you to be the other guy all the time when you're _not_. You're my entire fucking world. I love you more than you will ever know." Sam finished with a sigh more like a held in sob. Colby curled his arms around his torso. 

"I love you too."

The words hung heavy in the air. Love. Was it really love when it was this twisted and wrong? But neither of them could deny how they felt.

"Do you ever stop and think about how lucky we are?" Colby asked softly. Sam turned to look at him, tears in his eyes. "That we even exist is a miracle. That we ever met is a miracle. The world is so dark and bad and awful but it's so beautiful too. The trees, the birds, the sky, the stars...there's so much beauty in all the bad." Colby swallowed hard. "The most beautiful thing to me is you. Even with all the other beautiful things, you're the best of all of them."

Sam's lip quivered at Colby's loving, soft tone of voice. Next to him was his best friend of 8 years and the boy he had fallen in love with. Everything else had changed so much but the only thing that had always stayed was Colby. Everybody needs somebody to stay. Katrina would never compare to Colby Brock. She just wasn't him. It was always him. It will always be him.

"You're all I want, Colby," Sam whispered.

Colby turned to him with tears streaming from his eyes, blue eyes glistening in the moonlight. "What?"

"Katrina has to go."


	12. Tear You Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's timeee

Sam had turned the car around, and stayed silent while Colby asked dozens of questions about what he was doing. When they pulled up in front of Katrina's apartment at 11 PM, Colby knew deep in his gut exactly what was happening as Sam opened the car door and walked inside. Colby swallowed hard, breathing in deeply, and allowed the guilt to subside.

He turned up the volume on the car radio. And waited.

\--------------------------

Sam walked inside to see Katrina sitting on the couch with a bag of chips, watching some sappy TV show on her laptop. She startled at the sight of him but closed her laptop immediately with a grin. She seemed almost relieved. "Hey, babe, why are you home so soon?" She asked, standing up and walking over with arms outstretched for a hug. 

Sam pulled away, and watched her smile fall. "Can we sit down?"

She nodded silently, her face solemn. She led them to the couch and moved the laptop and chip bag, sitting on the opposite side of the couch from him. Her hands were folded professionally in her lap, like she was being interviewed and not talking to her boyfriend. Sam looked into her eyes, searching for any evidence of concern or worry. But he was only apathy. She knew what was coming, he realized. He took a deep breath, calming his nerves.

This was a big deal. He had been with her for so long. Been straight for so long. All of this was so different and such a huge change to be happening this fast. Losing her was going to be _so, so_ hard. But it had to be done. It had gone on for too long. "Katrina..." Sam began, pointedly avoiding her nickname. "It's over. It has to be." 

With the words hanging in the air, Sam closed his eyes for a moment. He didn't want to see her face just yet, he wanted to hold on to what he had for just a minute longer. Let everything be easy again. His chest rose and fell slowly, his breaths calm but his mind racing. When he opened his eyes he expected to see her furious or crying, but she was just looking at him with something almost akin to pity. Sympathy. 

"That's okay. I've been uh..." Katrina trailed off, looking to the side for a second and biting her lower up. "I've been expecting this, if I'm honest. I really love you, Sam, I do. You've been a pretty awesome boyfriend and I've had so much fun with you. I didn't want to lose that."

There was a pause as she let the words process in Sam's brain. She was okay with it. He didn't have to feel bad. This was good...right?

Katrina sighed. "It's gonna really suck to move on from you and I'll miss you a lot. But I know it's been over for a while now, we just didn't want to admit it." She shuffled closer and put her hand on his, resting against the velvet cushion. "You don't have to worry about me, though. I'll be alright." Sam stared at her with love in his eyes. Even if he didn't want to be with her anymore, he would never forget this.

"That means a lot to me, Kat," Sam whispered, "I was really worried about how you'd take it. I didn't want to hurt you."

Katrina looked almost bitter for a moment. Just a flash. Just a split second that if he blinked, he would have missed it. But it was there all the same. He couldn't help but know what had crossed her mind.

_Then why did you cheat on me?_

"Tell me something, though...please." Katrina looked up at him through her eyelashes. Sam nodded, wanting to do anything to make this easier for her right now. "You're breaking up with me for Colby, right?" She asked. At Sam's moment of hesitation, she nodded. "Yeah...I knew. Do you love him?"

Sam inhaled, his eyes stared at nothing and a smile pulled at his lips. "Yeah...Yeah, I think I do. I always knew I cared about him, but not like this until recently. Just...he means the whole world to me, Katrina. I think he always has. It's-It's always been him. Through everything." He smiled softly at her. "I love you, Kat, trust me. But my feelings for him aren't going to change. And he'll always be the most important thing in the whole fucking world to me and it's not fair to you."

She smiled back, giving his hand a quick squeeze. "I love you too. And I understand why you're doing this. You'll, uh, you'll always be important to me, Sam. We're not enemies because of this, I hope you know." She leaned in, giving him a hug. He hugged back, holding her one last time. With her head on his shoulder, she said, "I'll still be here for you whenever you need me. Neither you or Colby have anything to be sorry about."

Sam tensed at that. "Katrina, we do...it was so wrong to lie to you and to hurt you like that. We're both so sorry," He whispered, moving his hand up to press against the back of her head. She laughed quietly. "It wasn't a good thing to do by any means. But I'm not angry or sad about it. I'm just glad you found what you wanted and that you ended up doing what's right."

They pulled away from each other, and smiled. "Thank you, Katrina."

"No, thank you."

They nodded at each other, one last acknowledgement of this moment and of their understanding. Then Sam got up, and with a quick wave, left.

\---------------------------------

Sam opened the passenger door, watching Colby turn down the radio in preparation of an explanation. "What happen-"

Sam cut Colby off by climbing into his lap and pressing a harsh, rushed kiss to his lips. His hands were on Colby's cheeks, holding his face. Colby moved his arms to wrap around Sam's waist and pull him closer. Sam pulled away for a second, taking a deep breath and staring into Colby's eyes. Then he came back in for a softer kiss, more loving and passionate and meaningful. 

When Sam pulled away, this time it was to hug Colby. Their bodies pressed close enough that they could feel each other's heartbeat. "I love you," Sam whispered. Colby rubbed a circle with his thumb into Sam's back. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is not over just yet


	13. The GOOD Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the happy ending to this story. Next chapter will be a different version of this chapter "The Bittersweet Ending". If you're happy with this version, click off. If not, head to bittersweet and try it out.

Colby was sitting in that same spot on the roof of his car. Staring up at the night sky. Unchanged. The air was frigid as a cold wind blew by, ruffling his hair and making him curl his arms around himself.

So much had happened in this past month he could hardly remember it all. It had just all happened so _fast_. He had always hoped deep down that Sam would love him back but he never truly thought it would become reality. When he had kissed him that night...it was like everything came together in the most perfect way he could imagine.

God, Colby wanted to feel like that all the time. But he only felt it with Sam. No girl or boy or...anybody could make him feel the way Sam did. Then...the object of affection climbed up onto the car beside him. And the feeling came back. Stronger than ever. Colby smiled, leaning into Sam's warmth.

Sam pressed a kiss to the top of his head, flattening the soft brown locks to his head. Colby pressed into it, nearly purring at the affection. Since Sam had broken up with Katrina two days ago, it had just felt so right to be with Sam. Nothing wrong about it, with Katrina out of the picture...as awful as that sounded...it was just good. He didn't have to feel bad about anything anymore.

"I think I realized with you how tired I was of wanting more," Sam said, his arm carefully wrapping around Colby's shoulders to pull him into his side. Colby frowned, humming in question. 

Sam inhaled through his noise audibly. "I guess with Kat and...everyone else I've ever been with. There was always something missing, and I didn't know what it was until you kissed me." Sam looked down at Colby, their eyes meeting. Previously, they would try to push away this feeling and not to do what they knew was wrong. But now. Colby leaned up and captured Sam's lips with his, locking them together and for the first time it not only felt right but _perfect_. Not a single thing wrong in the entire world.

Colby pulled back, resting his forehead on Sam's. "I'm so happy it's over. I'm so happy we can just be together," Colby breathed. He could feel Sam's warmth around him, his hands on his skin, his heart beating, his warm breath on his face. And all was good again. Colby finally inhaled and didn't wish he was feeling better when he did. He just felt safe. 

This was home, he realized comfortingly. Sam's cologne scent washed over him, cleansing his senses like he always knew it to do. All of the memories with Sam washed over him at once. Meeting him, his lips against his own, long car rides and sharing the same bed. His old, childish feelings and his new, painfully apparent ones. Colby had broken one or two hearts in his lifetime...but he could never bear to see any negative emotion on Sam's face. _Maybe I've never been in love before_ , Colby thought, _nothing felt like this until now._

Sam's heart was in the same place. Katrina had been amazing and beautiful and intelligent and funny and a great girl to be around. But she wasn't _Colby_. She never could be. There was something about him that changed everything. He couldn't quite describe it. Colby had just always been there. Since the first day Sam met him, he felt safe in Colby's presence. Like a warm blanket was wrapped around his shoulder and he had hope and that was so fucking hard to find. Sam pressed his lips to Colby's again, tangling his hands in the boy's hair.

Colby sighed into the kiss, his breath fluttering on Sam's skin. He could feel Colby's nose gently brushing his cheek, his eyelashes, his lips, everything was so _beautiful_. Sam just wanted to be closer. To have more. So he pulled Colby closer, thunder crackled in the distance, a storm was coming. Colby laughed into the kiss, imagining it like those cliché fireworks in kiss scenes. Sam smiled to himself.

Yeah.

They were gonna be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read this story and gave support through comments, kudos, or...just by reading it. It means a lot to me. Thank you!


	14. The BITTERSWEET Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)

Colby was sitting on the same rooftop of that same car...staring at the same sky. Just a different night. And for a much different reason now that Katrina was out of his head. Ever since Sam had broken up with Katrina and they had gone to bed that night, something in the air just felt different. Tenser almost. Colby hated it, the way Sam looked at him made him shiver when it used to make his heart flutter. He had no idea what changed but it was like a rerun of the past month all over again.

Colby loved Sam. Both as a lover and as his best friend. His partner in life. Sam and Colby. There was nothing more beautiful than that statement in his mind. They'd done everything together...

Sam climbed up onto the car next to Colby, and Colby didn't startle. He just turned, looked him up and down, frowned, and turned back to the sky. They sat in silence for a moment until Sam inhaled quickly and muttered, "We really need to talk." As soon as the words had fallen from his mouth, Colby's eyes were on him. They were filled with tears, Sam noticed. And he wanted nothing more than to hold Colby and kiss his lips and tell him it was okay. But he couldn't. It wasn't right and they both needed to come to terms with it.

"I know," Colby sniffled, wiping his eyes and shuffling closer to Sam as a cold breeze blew by. A storm was coming soon. Both metaphorically and physically, Colby noted.

Sam squeezed his eyes shut tight for just a second before opening them again. "You're my best friend, Colby. And I am so beyond in love with you. Nobody could ever compare to what we had." Sam cut himself off with a sharp intake of air. _Had._ Guess the cat was out of the bag. Colby flinched back, burying his head in his knees.

"I just don't understand," Colby said. "What did I do wrong?" He sniffled again. Sam's heart was pounding. This was the hardest decision he was ever going to have to make. He needed Colby to see what he saw, he needed him to. "Nothing, Colbs. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just...we've always been Sam and Colby. Those funny, happy-go-lucky youtubers who are everyone's friend and live life to the fullest. And we had a lot of fun in this but we also had so much pain."

Colby winced at use of his nickname in such a sentence. It was sick to be included in a statement that was ruining everything he wanted. "I know we did, Sam, I know. But we can move on from all that, we can get better, we can grow up mo-" Colby was cut off by Sam covering his mouth with one hand and then slowly sliding it off, tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. "I'm sorry, Colby. We both just need to move on. I love you so much that I don't even know myself. I don't where you begin and I stop. I need to take some time to make sure I know how to live without you."

Colby's lip trembled. But deep down, he knew Sam was right. It was better for both of them to go their separate ways. Start separate lives with new things and new people and learn how to live without each other. Colby knew these things had to happen. But it still hurt. "I love you," Colby whispered. Sam reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. "I love you too."

"So you love me but you don't want me?" Colby's voice trembled. Sam choked on a laugh that sounded more like a sob and shook his head. "No. Colby I want you more than anything, I think I always have. And that's exactly why I can't have you."

Colby swallowed, air pulling from his lungs and more of a weird gasp than a sigh. "Thank you for being there for me for all these years. You'll always be the most important person in the universe to me," Colby reached over to gently press a kiss to Sam's cheek, tears streaming down his cheeks as he did. He held his lips for a few seconds longer than necessary, his shoulders shaking with the strength of his sobs. Sam's heart lurched and in just a moment of weakness, he turned his head, wrapped his arms around Colby's shoulders, and kissed him.

Colby kissed back, his hands moving up to gently grip Sam's arms. Warm tears mixed on their faces, their lips staying locked until they needed to pull away for air. "I'm going to miss you so much," Sam whispered into Colby's ear as he slowly-painfully-pulled away from him. "You're my best friend, and I know we're meant to be together. But maybe not in this life. We need to grow up from those little Kansas kids, and we can't do that together."

Colby squashed the urge to kiss Sam again, instead hugging him. "It's okay that you're leaving, even if it really hurts."

"It kills me to leave."

"I know."

Sam pulled away and gestured to 5 suitcases on the front steps of the trap house. "I said goodbye to everybody else already. A moving truck is going to get the bigger shit in the morning." He tried to ignore the way Colby's face crumbled for a moment.

"Promise you'll visit me sometime?" Colby asked cautiously, his voice still wet with tears. Sam smiled softly. "I would never be able not to," He replied, his voice soft despite the roughness from his sobs. Colby wrapped his arms around his body. "Good luck, Sam."

Sam waved as he opened his car and got inside, dragging in the suitcases with him. "I'll always be here, Colbs," He said, with the door still half open. Colby could see how red his cheeks were, and the wetness under his eyes, and the pain in his face. And he felt every bit of it.

"It'll always be Sam and Colby versus the world, Sam."

"Yeah. It will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the official end of the story. Thank you to everybody for reading. I hope either or both of the endings suit you!


End file.
